Now your asking yourself how can any one feel "uncertain" about their own father while he maybe so close to the end of his existence?, Well this is what I mean by it on Saturday evening my mom had called me to tell me of what she did before heading back to Cuenca Ecuador with Chuck, she told me that she saw my dad over at Kadlec hospital in Richland on the previous Sunday and even though he was resting "I told him goodbye from my heart to his" was what my mom had said to me. Now where the "I feel uncertainty" part comes in for me, is that on the night before I talked with my dad's older sister "Betty" about going up to Grand View, Washington to see him before he does pass away to tell him from son to father "It's okay to go be with your loving friends and other family in heaven, for you have done well as best as any daddy could ever do with your life on earth, you will be missed but you'll be loved by knowing we your whole family mom included know that your pain won't hurt you anymore now." Betty was hoping to go up there on Monday the first of November but she told me she'd call me back for sure later because she was tried at the time of when we chatted on Friday night. On that same Saturday morning of when my mother had called me in the evening at my Men's Breakfast at the Cathedral of Joy after someone from Alaska had shared how they had come to let God be their driving focus in life and how they got to that point. I was sitting there in my chair still feeling strong that I'd get a chance to tell my dad goodbye in the way that I wanted to, my friend Kendall the one who helped me back in June with stuff related to my seizure that I had asked me "How is it going Matt?" I of course broke down for the first time since I'd last seen my dad with my brother over at Kadlec hospital from on October twenty third. I told Kendall what had me feeling so low about not feeling I had said enough to my father and where he was now in Grand View and how I felt like I'd never said "I love you, enough" to my own father, he and I sat there for a good forty minutes or at least it seems that way now that I can remember, he suggested I take some time to write something down to share with my father when I see him again. What is above in parentheses is pretty close to what I wanted to say. After this I walked down to Albertson's to talk to Kelsey my boss about what was going on as well, I told her what had happen with my father as I did with Kendall up at the church and that I may need a few days off in the coming week with my Aunt to say my goodbyes to my dad. Betty had told me in that conversation on Friday night that she may want to go see dad on Monday or maybe Tuesday the second of November I was okay with it, but still I called her that Monday morning because that was when she wanted me to get back in touch with her, so I did. She told me that on Monday she still wasn't up to going up there and on Tuesday the second she had her charity "Meals on Wheels" to do and would Thursday the fourth be alright instead I said "Sure that will be OK with me, if your sure your fine with it as well, which she was. We have plans to go see My dad and her brother Micheal Joe Byrd at one p.m. on Thursday the fourth of November..... I just hope I will be able to write something out between now and then.
No comments:
Post a Comment